Christmas Past

Another Christmas has come and gone. For some reason, Christmas just didn't seem like Christmas this year, don't know why it just didn't. Anyways, it was my daughters 2nd Christmas, and she made out like a bandit. She got everything from a toy kitchen and a table/chair set to a toy guitar. Plus still has stuff coming from my grandma as soon as I can get to her house. So I say Kaleigh had a pretty good Christmas.

Then something strange happened. My biological father hasn't spoken to me in over a year, he didn't get my daughter anything for her first birthday or first Christmas, then all of a sudden decides to get her a couple things this year for Christmas and gives me money. So makes me wonder what is on his agenda this time. I would like to think that he did it, just to do it, but I know better than that. I guess we'll see what happens from here.

Nearing The End of Yet Another Year

2011 is almost over with 2012 right around the corner. Have you ever really just set back & took the time to reflect on the past year of your life, or just your whole life in general, & thought about what your most proud of, thankful for or regret? I can bet that 90-95% don't, either because they don't give a shit, or would rather forget everything that went on. Me personally, I thought about it last night, which has led me to give you this blog about shit you won't even care about.

So over the past year, year & a half, I've lost & gained some friends & family members. I've started & lost jobs & school. You name it, with my luck it's probably happened. Let's start off with the family portion shall we. I no longer have any contact with my biological dad, my youngest sister or my 4 younger brothers, all due to my dads stupidity. If you know me personally, you know the story & know that his stupidity just gets stronger every year. I did however come in contact with my grandma's brother ( my great uncle), which we never knew existed until April of this year. It's funny how you can have family that you never knew about and then feel like you've known them forever once you meet.

This year I've lost contact with a few friends, due to disagreements, or just plain lazyness on both parts. Either way, I've manage to come in contact with a couple new ones, and have managed to stay in contact with a few that matter the most. That being the ones who have seen me at my worst, know all the shit that has went on, yet still decide to keep me around.

I've started a new job this month, yet it's only suppose to last through Christmas and then once again chances are I'll be back to the drawing board. I've went through a total of three schools the past year, but I think I've finally found one that will stick around long enough for me to actually finish the program. Like they say, third times a charm... right?

The only things that have remained constant in my life & that I've thankful for, are my daughter, my mom & dad, a very few family members and the few friends that I've stated above (they know who they are). Without all of them, I would've probably went completely insane already. Luckily for me, they're all what keeps me living, laughing, and enjoying the few things in life that I have.

So, that's my summary of 2011. Trust me there is alot more that I could say on a couple of these issues, but then you'd be reading for at least a good 5 hours. I leave you with this: What is the use of living life, if you can't overcome the obstacles & enjoy what you have instead of dwelling on the past & things that you can not change?

End of Another Year.. On To The Next...

Well Ladies & Gentlemen we are reaching the end of yet another tedious year, in this world that we call life. What have you all managed to accomplish this year? Anything?

I've managed quite a few things actually.... I had my first child in January, started back to school, got rid of my daughter's dead beat sperm donor, no longer have my dad talking to me, lost a couple friends, gained a couple new ones, got some remodeling done to our house. All and all, has been a very eventful and challenging year.

So, my last blog I believe I was bitching about all the good guys getting shit on while pieces of shit like my ex get whatever the fuck they want. Well, nothings changed there. It's been 6 months since he's moved back to his moms, and only hear from him once every few weeks with excuses as always. He was working during Halloween and was supposed to give me some money for my daughter. But then he realized I wasnt going to take his ass back, got pissed and didnt send shit for her. Why would I take his ass back when he never wanted to get a job in the first place. Plus him jacking off in bed with my daughter laying right next to him was the last straw.

Then I get a text a couple weeks ago stating that he's supposedly sorry for not sending the money like he was supposed to, but mommy dearest wouldn't let him. Thats pretty pathetic when you're 25 years old, making your own money and mommy tells you that you cant take care of your own kid. Actually just goes to show her lack of parenting skills. But Halloween is over and he once again doesnt have a job, but thats no surprise there really. Even if he did, still wouldnt recieve anything from him.

I started school back in April, at University of Phoenix, to finish out my degree in Medical Billing & Coding. So far, I'm in my 3rd term, I start my 4th term this January. If everything goes as planned I'll be finished in 2 years. So far so good. This way, when my daughter gets old enough and starts going through school, she can say "well if my mom did it, then so can I". I'm just hoping that she doesnt wait forever, like I did.

My family has shrunk this year. My dad no longer talks to me, & wont let my youngest sister talk to me. All because he went & got himself in trouble along with his nutty ass girlfriend, but of course it's everyones fault but his own. Thats ok though, he's the one missing out on his granddaughter, not me.

I've cleaned house on my friends list. I've decided that I'm done with all the drama & fake assholes that pretend to be friend, but when you need them, they are too busy. I've got a select few, that knows all the issues I've dealt with this past year, and they continue to be there no matter what. You all know who you are.

Even though I've had some ups & downs this year, I've still had a hand full of family members that I could count on no matter what. My wonderful mom & dad (who has filled the void of my biological dad, even though he doesnt have to), both my grandmas, Jennifer (my sister & partner in crime lol), & my Aunt Shell. Without them, I don't know what Kaleigh & I would do. I couldn't ask for anything more.

So, I'll end this here.. I'm sure I'll have more to post later as we get to Kaleigh's 1st Christmas. If not, see you next year!!!

In Remembrance of September 11, 2001

In Remembrance of Sept 11, 2001, I have decided to post a poem that I wrote 9 years ago.



A poet by the name of
Edgar Allan Poe
Once wrote a poem entitled
"The Doomed City ( The City In The Sea)"
As I look back on the day of
September 11, 2001, while reading the poem,
I realize that many of these
Verses can be used to describe the
Events of September 11, 2001.

"Lo! Death hath rear'd himself a throne
In a strange city, all alone,
Far down within' the dim west-
And THE GOOD, And THE BAD,
And THE WORST, And THE BEST
Have gone to their ETERNAL REST."

This verse in itself describes the
Results of the events
As it talks about lifes that were lost

"There shrines, and palaces, and towers
Are-not like anything of ours-
O! no- O! now- ours never loom
To heaven with that ungodly gloom!
Time - eaten towers that tremble not!
Around, by lifting winds forgot,
Resignedly beneath the sky
The melancholy waters lie."

This verse sums up the image
That we see when we look
At where the towers once stood,
"The melancholy waters lie."

"There open temples - open graves
Are on level with the waves."

This is used to describe
The ones who have yet to be found
Their bodies lay in " open graves
Level with the waves."

"But lo! a stir is in the air?
The wave! there is a ripple there!"
"Hell rising from a thousand thrones
Shall do it reverence,
And death to some more happy clime
Shall give his undivided time."

This last verse describes
The neverending war that
Has been brought forth
Because of the cowardly
Acts of September 11, 2001.

The Dark & Unknown

When the light fades
The darkness will fall
Only to find me
Standing behind the walls

Alone in the shadows
I stand here and wait
For the lonely souls of evil
To rise and walk the grounds of good

What they do will amaze you
You too will follow the souls
Into the unknown
Following their every move

They will allow you
To release your anger
Against the foes who
Walk around unaware or without a care

You will then become of of us
Fulfilled and ready to take your place
In the home of the
Dark and unknown

Challenges of Society

As I sit and look at the sky
I think about the time that has gone by
Times changing quickly
And yet we still have
So much to learn
Things happening so fast
That we don't have time
To stop and think
We want to change the world
But don't know where to start
And yet we judge the ones
Who have the courage to take
Charge and do something
Not knowing who or what
Waits around the corner
A cowardly figure who walks
In the darkness til night falls
Knowing that if he's caught
He'll be punished for the things he's done.
Thats the challenges that we
Face today as we try to change
The way society has become.

There Are Fathers & Then there are Sperm Donors....

Ok, so here is my dilema this time round... It just gets on my last nerve how guys who have kids, get away with not taking care of their kids. They dont see there kids, they dont buy the necessary things for there kids, they dont even bother to call & ask how their child is doing. They just sit around playing video games, going camping, hanging with so called friends, drinking, etc.. Yet they think that they dont have any other responsibilites that other ADULTS have.



Take for instance, my daughters dad, or as I like to call him, her sperm donor. He's 25 years old, lives in a 2 bedroom apt with his mom, his brother & sister. After putting up with a lot of things from him, I got tired and said thats enough. The last straw was when my grandmother caught him in bed doing something to himself, with my daughter who was 5 months at the time laying in the bed right next to him. So I told him he had to go.



He moved to his moms, where he is free to do as he pleases. He's only seen my daughter a couple times in the past 4 months, and even then it was only for a few seconds cause his mom was rushing him. He calls every now & then, saying that he wants to see her, but then when I tell him when & where, he calls back & says that his mom doesnt have the gas nor the money for gas to drive him there.



When he calls, he spends a few seconds asking how my daughter is (like he really cares), & then he automatically starts asking when we are getting back together & when can we go out. He never asks if my daughter needs anything. Thats because he was told by his mom that he doesnt need to worry about anyone but himself. He's only bought her food one time since he's been gone, and even then I had to argue with him about it, cause his mom said that he wasnt going to buy anything. So now my last resort is applying for child support, which really isnt going to do much good, cause he doesnt have a job nor does he bother looking for one.



Now on to MEN who are actual FATHERS... My dad (well, technically step dad), takes care of his kids, pays his child support all the time, and does a lot for everyone. Yet his ex wife is a money hungry fat ass bitch that has to constantly cause trouble for him. She's never satisfied with the amount of money that she gets, so she's constantly pushing for going back to court & all that shit, which causes even more expenses, cause then my dad has to pay for her shit ass of a lawyer.



There's my problem.... Scum like my ex, get to do just about anything they want no matter what. Whereas MEN like my dad never get a break in anything, even though they take care of all their responsibilities & do what needs to be done.



I guess I better end this one here, cause I could go on for hours on this subject. Until next time...